Respect VS. Love

Respect VS. Love

•  “Women want love and men want respect.” (or)
•  “Women do things to get love, and men do things to get respect.”
• I've heard it from friends, family, pulpits and strangers.
• And like any other popular pearl of half truth it melts under the illuminating light of day.
• I admit it's probable that if an extreme situation was to pop up where both genders had to choose only one, there might be gender defined leanings 
• And there might not, 
• I don't know...
• But that is not how our society actually works
• Men are not devoid of wanting love, 
• And women desire to receive respect.
• In fact, taking it a step further, love and respect are two sides of the same coin. 
• In a healthy and loving relationship they work in tandem.
• When I first heard the half lie 
• I thought..., 
• "There was that time I asked my brother to unload the dishwasher."  
• My love language is actions and I wanted him to love me in this way. 
• So, yes, this sounds like truth. 
• I then placed it on  a shelf with some other half-baked truths, and smiled and nodded when others trotted it out. 
• Yes, without thinking I added it to my display case and even pointed to it on occasion. 
• "Look friends and family, I know this thing about men and women." 
• And they would smile and nod, and my self inflated wisdom meter would rise the appropriate notch.
• Then one day I had an argument with someone, and realized the basis of the argument was me wanting the other person to respect me. 
• And it wasn't my first time.
• And on further examination, I really prized respect. 
• But I was a woman... 
• Was love  unimportant to me? 
• No, I wanted that too. 
• I took that truth back off the shelf, dusted it off and saw it's truly doughy center.

So, come with me on this journey...

• Our country had a Women's Suffrage movement, that lead to voting and other rights for women. 
• Of course this historical and sadly only recent movement was steeped in women's need for love, right?
• No, it was for respect.
• And men writing poetry, washing cars, vacuuming, returning home to the same woman every night comes from their one and only desire for respect, right?
• No, it's for love.
• Women climbing corporate ladders, working twice as hard as their male counterparts, is based in that deep desire to be loved?
• No, again respect.
• Men spending time with their kids, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and forgoing a sporting event to watch a daughter's ballet class stems from a need to be respected?
• No, those are actions of someone who loves and desires to be loved.

• Ask any woman who has let a guy know that his actions are not appropriate.
• Ask any man who's fallen in love and is planning an elaborate way to propose.

• All I'm saying is that both men and women seek love and respect. 
• They need both. 
• For real relationships
• Not the kind kept up through distance and brief encounters to work 
• But the kind of relationship that gets down to the nitty gritty of life.
• We do not live in a world where people have to choose only one.
• God says we need to love one another. He sees the importance for all of us. 
• So, next time you hear this bit of dawdling truth, examine it from another angle, 
• Because it will fall flat.