What do we do with our Pain?

The Question of Pain

• A good friend and I attended another awesome talk by Danica today.
• If you haven't heard her speak here is a link to one of her podcasts.
• After the talk, a woman asked about pain.
• A topic that sparked a conversation between my friend Maylin and I.
• See Maylin's blog here.
• Her real and in-depth look at pain is linked here.
• So after, sneaking to the back of a great coffee shop 
• (we may have brought in our own travel mugs)
• We settled in on a couch and discussed it in detail 
• resulting in the dual blog posts

• The question asked today (and by many women I've talked with over the years) was:
• 'Why do I have to suffer this pain?'
• A question that is asked by many.
• A question with a surprisingly simple answer.
• An answer that's not that helpful.
• So perhaps an entirely different question is being asked
• Perhaps it's...
• What do I do with my pain?
• A question I take a stab at further down this blog
• If you're in a hurry scroll down a little bit
• A better question but first...

• Let's break it down

• Why do we experience pain?
• Pain tells us something is wrong.
• Whether it's physical: 
• A sharp pain to remind us Legos aren't meant as floor ornaments.
• Or emotional: 
• That person shouldn't talk to me that way, it's disrespectful and mean.
• We live in an imperfect world, so things are constantly out of whack causing:
• Death
• Disease
• Drought
• Shortages
• Abuse
• Physical and Mental Illness
• Broken relationships
• These things aren't natural.
• We were made to live in the Garden of Eden.
• Where none of those things existed.
• I repeat in the beginning death, abuse, brokenness did not exist
• This world is far from the perfection we were created for;
• So,
• Bad stuff: Jars us, affects us, wounds us, Causes Pain
• But this isn't the answer those women were looking for, 
• and frankly it's not the answer that I want! 
• Which makes me think\guess that the question might be...

• What do I do with my pain? 
• It hurts worse then can be imagined. 
• And the answer is not simple
• It's complicated and time consuming.
• I'm going to tell you some things I've done with mine. 
• Note: It's not an exhaustive list, it's just things that have helped me cope
• Acknowledge it.
• Acknowledge that it is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad state of being!!
• Go throw something at something else inanimate 
• I mean it, 
• grab a pillow and hurl it at the wall. 
• Throw a rock at a tree. 
• Hurl a light stuffed animal at the couch and see how far you can make it bounce.
• See if you can beat my record of a foot
• Scream or Yell 
• in your car with the radio up loud, 
• into a pillow, 
• into the night air, 
• wherever it feels safe for you to do it.
• Go for a run 
• Or if you're me, a very fast walk
• Ask God to meet you in the middle of it, 
• or at times I've asked him to give me the desire to have him meet me there, 
• because I wasn't ready yet
• Ask a friend to pray for you 
• better yet text a couple of trusted friends so you don't have to talk about it yet, if you don't want to
• Make it through this day, this hour, this minute, this second. 
• What ever time frame seems the most doable.
• Breathe
• Treat yourself to something small: 
• that cup of your favorite tea 
• a new dress\or pair of pants
• a blender
• your favorite scone 
• the new Star Wars Movie
• If you don't feel like cracking open your Bible at this moment,
• It's okay, no really, it's okay. 
• Don't add unnecessary guilt to a moment this hard
• Be nice to yourself
• And if you can't, 
• ask a friend to tell you three things they like about you
• Watch a sunset, or a sunrise and ask God to meet you there.
• Curl up with a blanket, fuzzy socks, hot cocoa, and mindless television
• If it's summer, turn on the AC to make it pleasant 
• Cancel that plan\party\appointment that you really don't want to do.
• Invite a good friend over and eat pizza that's delivered to your door.
• Know you are not alone.
• Know it comes in waves!
• Ride the waves as they come, 
• Don't worry about the next one til it's there.
• Know with time most things will feel better...
• It's okay to not want to hear that right now.

• What if the pain has continued on, and hasn't gotten better with time?
• Then the wound is infected because something foreign is still there.
• It's the root of the problem, 
• It needs to found
• Note: this is borrowed wisdom from my friend Maylin.
• When it's found, 
• You make the hard choices about how to remove that object, 
• so healing can begin.
• Good news:
• We are not meant to do this on our own.
• We have God
• We have others
• And we can have a professional counselor to help us sort through the problem.
• Also, see this blog on inviting people into our wells
• Needing a professional is not a failure,
• It's the brave option
• It's an acknowledgment that we want to get better 
• It's a sign we are willing to do the work to help change our situation
• And sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can help us find the source of and kill the infection quicker than we could ever dream of doing it on our own.
• If you do get a professional, look for one that is a good fit for you.
• One that shares your religion or values.
• One that you instinctively like.
• It's okay to be a little picky  
• Interview your possible options.

Blessings!