CONTROL

What is Control?

CONTROL has many parts:

• Desire to control others (why wont they listen to me?)
• Desire to control our environment (eating out, thermostats, and jobs)
• Desire to control our circumstances (fate, luck, planning ahead and bootstraps) 
• I didn't have room for all three in this blog.
• So I'm scratching the surface of our relationship to control, and how it effects our involvement with others

What is Control?

• Why we crave Control:
• The world around us is constantly changing and moving.
• And we have no power to stop it.
• Our desire for control is our desire to have a firm grasp on something in our lives.
• We want the power to change what's around us
• And this desire can have both healthy and negative sides to it.

Healthy Sides to Control

• Self Control
• Most of the time we have control over our actions, our words and how we choose to respond to something.
• The season may shift from fall to winter without our say so,
•  But we can choose to dress warmer.
• Our sister may choose to join the army when we prefer she had gone to culinary school. 
• But we can choose to supportive of her, realizing the relationship is more important to us then the career choice.
• Control Centers
• A place where you have some control over something small in your life.
• It's not complete, because things still go wrong, 
• but in general you can control the outcomes in these areas

• How you make your coffee in the morning
• A crafting project, wood work, or some other hobby
• Choosing how to get somewhere when you are by yourself
• Eating ice-cream for dinner.
• Downloading that song.
• Watching your favorite TV show.

Why Do We Want More?

It's not always enough for us. Why?

• We desire comfort and happiness.
• Think about it, we once lived in the Garden of Eden.
• We had perfection,
• We crave perfection,
• God himself is perfection
• We are molded to desire God and perfection only he is capable of being and bringing.
• We live in an imperfect world.
• No matter how hard we try, we are not going to get all the puzzle pieces in place.  
• The puzzle is never completed the pieces are constantly changing, wandering off, and even bending out of shape.
• Now and here is not eternal, our life here on earth is just a blink of the eye.
• It's full of people
• Imperfect people, like ourselves, who have bad days, who mishear, who blindly hurt each other
• People that
• God loves,
• God watches over
• God forgives
• God is patiently waiting for
• I'm not saying God isn't powerful enough to smite, and really come down on the inhabitants of this earth
• See Noah
• But he also loves us perfectly, where we are at, right now, without us having earned it
• It's frustrating, it's overwhelming, and at times it's too much.
• Because it really is too much.
• We are not designed to do this on our own.
• God and others desire to help us through.

Controlling Others Can Stem From Many Things

• It can be about power, 
• It can be about trying to fill a vacuum of pain with the others around us, 
• It can be dangerous.
• But more often it stems from:
• We see other people's faults, and poor decisions clearer than our own,
• If she would only do go to the doctor, see the therapist, get the car's oil changed
• We have an idea how to improve on what the others are doing
• The waiter could've filled my drink, paid closer attention, smiled at us
• Often people are not excited to hear our sage wisdom and well meaning advice
• I told him not to marry her, Told him not to take that job, Why does he do that?

Why Can't We Control Others?

• God chose to have us love him freely, he gave us free will. 
• Meaning short of brain washing we have no control over others, because God designed it that way.
• And yes it's painful to watch someone you love make poor decision
• I've been there.
• And yes it's awful to know that they are not valuing your opinion right now
• God understands this, he has also been ignored

What Do We Do With Now?

• We can take a leaf out of God's book, 
• then we wait like he does, 
• we love the person like he does, 
• we set healthy boundaries so that we can be in a good place, 
• we can pray (Jesus prayed in the garden),
• we speak from love and kindness when offering correction, and if we can't? 
• Then we hold back and pray God find a way to point it out the person.
• When we are wise with our own choices and actions, it sets up as people of influence. 
• A positive influential person, changes more lives than a controlling person ever has