Hanging Up On Hanging Out

Hanging Out Vs. Dating

I was recently asked to write a blog on hanging out...so after thought and interviews..here goes...

• In middle school hanging out was a good option. 
• No one had a car to go anywhere, real dating was not necessary. 
• It even worked in college, kind of.
• But now my friends and I are filling out the age ranges of late twenties to early forties. And hanging out has continued to hang around. 
• Men in this age range are inviting women to hang out. 
• But what is hanging out? 
• What does it mean? 
• Why wont it take a long walk of a short pier and get eaten by a crocodile (preferably one that likes to eat clocks)?

• What defines hanging out?
• Intent.
• Hanging means, “lets just get to know each other better and have fun.”
• Hanging out is a low pressure.
• It doesn't require a formal plan. 
• You choose a destination ie. 
• Someones apartment  
• the mall. 
• And you proceed to be together in the same vicinity, no expectations. 
• Other people can be invited into this process. 
• The need to impress is low. 
• The pressure is off. 
• So why in any context would I diss it?

• Hanging Out Has A Purpose
• If it's my buddies, yes I want to hang out. 
•  My buddies, my gal pals, my married friends. 
• A group of people who are casually going to lunch after church or some other event.
• Just getting to know that friend of a friend
• But if it's a guy that is into me or I'm into him.
• And we've gotten past the just getting to know each other phase (which is the purpose of hanging out) 
• Hanging can morph into "a slap in the face." 

• Why is Hanging out Missing The Mark?
• Hanging out can leave one person in the relationship (normally the one who wants more) feeling used.
• Maybe your a mass of nerves and emotions on the inside, but on the outside nothing is happening you're just “hanging out.”
• Did you catch that?
• Nothing is happening. 
• You are not forging a new relationship. 
• You are letting the world wash over you. 
• And man, if you are not choosing to be with a girl, that's fine. 
• But check in with her, she may think more is going on then is.
• If you do like her, then you are missing out. 
• And girls, if he's not choosing you, open up your options. Look around at what else is out there. 
• If you are truly in like with this guy, waiting for him to step up to the plate can be a long heart wrenching game.

• Why does dating feel dangerous?
• Dating is more formal.
• Dating requires for more to be on the line.
• If a woman says no to hanging out maybe she really was busy.
• If she says no to a date...
• It feels like a rejection of you.
• I see this, but no risk no gain. 
• You go to put something on the line to win the jackpot.
• Enter some other go get -em metaphor here

• Relax, Dating is Not that High Pressured
• It's only a date.
• You guys do not need to marry a girl if you go on a date with her.
• It's letting her know you are interested in...getting to know her better.
• And trust me, that's a low key request
• And it can speed up the process of realizing she is a good or bad match for you.
• And yes I've written a long blog on first date dos and don'ts but I've been on dates that have broken all those rules and were still good. 
• So relax.
• Dating is not marriage or a long term relationship.
• Dating infers: 
• respect.
• grown up follow through.
• you can go on a date with a woman and still be her friend after if the date didn't go well.
• Men and women dating is not a lifetime commitment it's a chance to purposefully get to know someone better.
• And it's faster. 
• A date reveals more than a month of hangouts. 
• Trust me. 
• You'll get a chance to bond with the girl in a way you haven't yet. 
• Hear more about her dreams and share yours
• And trust me it's worth it. 
• Time is precious, don't let it be wasted.

An excuse I've heard:

• "But I'm afraid of scaring her away..."
• A guy I knew picked me up and took me to pie. 
• After we each ate a slice he brought me straight home, and asked if he could call me in a week. 
• It was simple, it was lovely, and it worked. 
• The date does not need to be a big deal. 
• It does need to be initiated.