Cancer Stinks

Cancer Stinks

• Cancer is horrible. 
• It’s mutation of regenerative cells that are meant to heal, but instead create unnecessary growths that can lead to death. 
• It reminds me of a Doctor Who episode involving World War 2, children and a monster that wants its mummy. Yes, I realize that describes a lot of Dr. Who Episodes. :)

• Rationally:
• I don’t want to feel awful or sad. 
• Our family is going to be okay. 
• Dad, in the long run, is going to be okay. 
• Whether he is healed or goes to heaven it’s going to end well for him.
• It could be worse. 
• It could be better. 
• It could be a lot of things. 
• Mentally, I get upset that I’m overly dramatic at times, and not affected enough other times.

• Theology:
• I hate cancer. 
• It is not a blessing. 
• It is not curse my family brought upon itself. 
• It is not fun. 
• It is not good. 
• God can bring blessings out of this because he is God, and he can bring beauty out of ugly things. 
• But God did not choose to bestow this upon my family to teach us something. 
• God does not enjoy cancer. 
• Why does he allow it? 
• Because he allowed us to live apart from him if we chose, and anything apart from God leads to brokenness.
• Thistles and cancer grow because we no longer walk with God in Eden.

• Emotionally:
• It feels lonely. 
• It feels awful. 
• It makes me angry; sometimes at God. 
• And he can take it. 
• God agrees life isn't always fair. 
• He had to die on a cross for my sins; that was not fair. 
• He has seen, and felt pain. 
• He sees my pain. 
• My anger is okay, 
• I’m just not supposed to direct it at other people in my life.

• Physically:
• I’m not the one battling it; my dad is. 
• But my mom, my dad, and my brother are at times, all exhausted. 
• Sometimes, my mom’s closest friends are also made very tired by it. 
• It affects everything.

• Actively:
• We fight it. 
• My dad fights it with a good attitude. 
• I fight against my brain for my right to be emotionally not okay,
• It doesn't like me to go there. 
• My brain would love to dump my emotions in a hole and let them never be realized. 
• I have to give myself the right to be not okay, and that is okay. 
• Some days I forget it’s happening, and that’s okay. 
• Some days it’s all I can think about, and those days are hard. 
• It's not good that things are bad, but that is okay.
• Yep, it's not good or fun. It's real, and it's okay that it has an effect on my life.

And now for something completely different a sketch I made. Notice Americanization of the text...:)

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