Why Do Girls Date Jerks?
- This question I have heard from many male friends of mine.
- Why does she date someone who treats her so badly. When someone else (a guy like you) would treat her right?
- And I understand being confused, you've probably even heard her say, “Why can't I find a nice guy?”
- Ouch. You are that nice guy. Or your buddy could be.
- You see how much better life could be for her.
- And you want to be that one who opens her eyes to it this better life.
- You could bring her healing.
- You could show what a real relationship looks like.
- You could take care of her.
- Spot the pattern of this thinking?
- You, you, you.
- There are many many reasons why she's dating him...and none have to do with you.
- So, as painful as it is,
- As personal as it may feel,
- It really has nothing to do with...well, you.
- Here are some real reasons she's dating him:
- She has things from her past (or present) that makes her feel she, truly deep down, doesn't deserve better
- Note: no words from your mouth will change that pattern of thinking it's deeper than that
- She know this guy, and his pain. And she's the only one who understands what he's going through
- She thinks she can help him. She wants to help him.
- She wants affirmation from this guy because it's like winning the lottery when it does come
- Probably he has some game.
- At one point he actually asked her out, took her dinner, things like that
- She is wrapped up in the happy memories that work like a blinder to help maintain the relationship through the rest of the garbage she has to deal with
- But now your thinking, but she talks about how awful he is all the time. She says she wants out. So why is it she is staying?
- Reread the answers I just gave.
- Until she chooses to change things, that's where she's going to be.
- Again, let me stress the point that her decisions will have nothing to do with you. It has to do with her.
- Trust me this can be hard for girls too.
- I've watched friends in these relationships.
- I want to kidnap them, just so they can have distance from the guy.
- I tried 'kidnapping' a friend once...
- Within minutes she had texted him to come get her.
- Lastly and this is a step many of my male friends do not understand, get, or believe.
- So, to avoid the ensuing argument...
- I'm going to say it as truth, and leave out any attempt to prove it.
- Women, when they do break free of these harmful relationships will need:
- Healing.
- Personal, solo healing.
- They will need to re-identify with who they are,
- instead of who they were with him.
- They will need to learn to love themselves,
- and how to accept God's love.
- They will not be ready to date for a while.
- If your goal is really to care for them, then you'll give them space to be single.
- You will have an opportunity to encourage them during their healing journey
- What is more important to you: their healing, or you're need for a girlfriend?
Other Blogs: "Cancer Stinks" and "Why I'm Single"
Many good points, and if there's a specific girl who's saying this to a specific guy he should give her space to heal. And it's a good hint that she's not that into you.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think there are some things a "nice guy" can do to be a "nice guy" that girls are also more interested in. Become a "good guy"......
1. Get some confidence. Jerks usually exude confidence. Confidence is attractive to females. It's easier if you work hard at your career and get stuff done. (a "nice guy" with his life together is going to have a lot easier of a time having "game" then a guy who's trying to figure out where his next meal is coming from). Jerks have the advantage in this case, because they exude confidence even if their planning on having their next meal come from the woman.
2. Dress nice and take care of yourself. Clothes don't make the man, but they can make a percentage of a woman's impression of him. I'm not saying wear a suit (unless that's you, then bingo), just wear whatever "looks good" in the clothing that matches your style.
3. Get game. Practice talking to women, all women. If you shower a woman with compliments that aren't real, she'll figure it out, and unless she's super into you, she'll dismiss you. Tease her a little bit (not in a mean way, and not if she's super nice, super shy) but give her room to tease back. Think Indiana Jones, or James Bond (not in the chasing every woman in sight way, but in the exciting good guy way) Have some fun.
4. Don't whine. Stop complaining about girls not going after the nice guy. It just means you have to be a better guy, not just a "nice guy", but a "good guy," and it makes you look weak and whiny.
You're so wise, KLC. You should write more stuff like this. Maybe a book. With pictures ;o)
ReplyDelete