Faux Dating or Dating Without Dating

(An updated  re-post of a Facebook Note from a few years ago)

FAUX DATING

Dating Without Dating

• In the Christian dating scene a strange phenomenon has popped up and made it’s self common: 
• Getting to know a certain person can turn into an extended sort of we might date thingy that isn't complicated but is sort weird and messy anyways
• Guys will 
• Single out a girl from a group 
• Sit by them at church 
• Tell them compliments
• Engage them in conversation for weeks or even a year,
• Sometimes even make comments like, "You're the kind of girl I should be dating."
• Then one day, disappear.

• To a guy this seems like he is doing the girl a favor. 
• He has not engaged in her in a full blown relationship, 
• He hasn’t kissed her, 
• He hasn’t played games with her heart. 
• A safe way for a guy to get to know a girl, and decide on whether he should date her or not, with out any of the complications right? 
• Wrong!

• Here is why, girls may not be making out with these men, but their heart does become engaged in this game. 
• He's reached the woman on an emotional level
• Women, will purposely not date others. 
• Which by the way if your the woman making this choice, I've been there, but say yes to those other offers
• Time is wasted trying to figure out what in the world is going on.
•  This indecision on his part hurts. 
• It’s minus communication. 
• Which most guys have to admit women love to communicate. 
• It's minus respect
• If you respect someone you are clear with them
• A respected person is worth the $5 coffee shop visit and slice of your time
• A respected person is worth the risk of rejection.
• It's minus honesty
• the guy isn't being honest with himself about his feelings (or lack there of) for the girl
• He's on the fence and he wishes not to be there, but wont jump either way
• Plus, a one on one encounter, where you purposely ask her will be different than any other group getting to know her that you have encountered. 
• Guys, I admit it isn’t easy for you. Here you are supposed to decide which woman you really want to date, and at the same time not lead a girl on. 
• Your also stuck with the Christian stereotype that you must date a woman you are willing to marry. 
• I’m going to let you in on a secret...
• Most Christian women, are okay with a casual date or two.
• The two to three date window has leeway for you to bow out of the possible relationship without drama. 
• Of, course when you do bow out, 
• don’t say: 
• My schedule is to busy, 
• or I don’t feel like dating right now. 
• Be honest and admit you see them more as a friend. 
• Even though this may seem like a trite line, it’s honest, and straight forward, so the girl can move on.
• The dating without dating, can leave the girl immobile, or stuck in a limbo unsure of what you are feeling or thinking. 
• Girls can get over you. 
• And they will, but you got to help out your sisters, by being brave and opening your mouth. 
• I had a guy call me after our first date and say he was not interested after all...did it hurt my pride? (a little). 
• But it was the best communication from a guy (who had lost interest) that I ever had, and it made moving on incredibly easy!!!! 
• A thank you to that guy for being brave!!

Two things really quick I think I need to add:

1. This isn't describing my current situation, I've seen it happen to enough friends and experienced it personally enough times I felt I could write on it with authority. 
1. Also, I probably wouldn't have the guts to post it, if I felt I was currently experiencing this.
2. Faux dating is normally where relationships start. 
1. I'm not worried about the casual, getting to know someone and hanging out. 
2. The problem with extended faux dating, besides ignoring communication, is that it is dependent on group settings. Again, fine for a while; but getting to know someone else is forced to a near stop when no one-on-one time is being pursued. 

Also see Hanging Up On Hanging Out